i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
