I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
