went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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