he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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