I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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