let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
