My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
