I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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