Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
