There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
