Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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