I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
