but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
