This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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