May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
being pregnant is like rehab
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
