my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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