I think im going to throw up on grandma
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize