Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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