If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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