I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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