I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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