I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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