I cannot find my penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
