I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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