would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
