dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
farters have to be the big spoon...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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