I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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