wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Boobs are out for the taking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is classic penis vs brain.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
