I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize