We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
