i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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