Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
