and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love you. Go after that dick
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
