that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
