What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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