When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
