i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
