Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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