i already hear my dad disowning me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
