I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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