so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
