I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize