You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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