TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
