My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
