I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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