how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
