when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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