I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize