So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
