Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
