I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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