i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
