new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
