So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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