Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The struggles of a small town man whore
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
