just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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