The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
