I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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