Got a toothbrush?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
