dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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