I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
