Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
