best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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