I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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