meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
