Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
