no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
